Did you know?
Scientific research proves that in an average day’s conversation, 60 to 90 percent of the conversation will be about someone who is absent. Even in prehistoric times, this has been a normal practice.
The Amazing Science Of Social Chatting.
To most of us, casual chatting is either something to regret or totally meaningless. But present-day researchers come up with many surprising and interesting discoveries related to the chit-chat that takes up a lot of our awake lives. Anthropologists study small groups and how they form close bonds with simple shared stories. Indeed, we now know that gossip is actually nature’s glue to a community.
Through this kind of chatting, we learn how a community operates, without having to carry around a big rule book. In reality, a society cannot survive a day without this rapid and daily gossip session, and you could almost relate human history to the rise of this societal chat. It’s something that every nation does in the world, and our ancestors hide important tribal secrets to reveal.
Within the Human Mind: A Psychological Perspective
Psychologists understand the psychology behind such behavior by considering our inherent human desires. The first human desire is our fundamental urge to forge a close connection with other humans. When you share juicy gossip, you give away oxytocin. A bonding hormone, oxytocin, is able to forge strong emotions of trust and warmth between two people. Hence, the exchange of information helps friends connect with one another on an intense level in a short span of time.
The second human desire is social comparison. We use social comparison as a yardstick to measure our success in life and find comfort in the mistakes of others. As a result, these events help us to reduce the level of our own anxiety about social failure, as we unknowingly gain the skills to prevent social failure with observations of peers’ spectacular demises.
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The Brain Structure And Social Mapping
Neurologists map activity in the brain when social conversations are happening. It is highly active in areas of the brain that perform high-level thinking. When we are in social groups, we have a massive map going in our mind of every single one of the people that we know. On that map, each person’s “rank” and popularity are there. In order to keep our mental map up-to-date, we need a steady stream of current information. Our social map becomes obsolete very quickly without constant updates. Therefore, we eagerly pay attention when someone provides new information about someone we both know.
The human mind finds social information similar to that of food or tangible rewards, a commodity that is essential for proper daily navigation. Therefore, whenever the conversation gets extremely personal, your mind naturally perked up. These tendencies kept our social behaviors finely-tuned. It is clear that our anatomy does provide support for this constant dissemination of social information.
How The Internet Spreads Information
The latest technology transforms how swiftly news and gossip circulate across the vast network. Social media fuels our innate desire to converse about other individuals, allowing instant communication to reach tens of thousands of individuals instantaneously. Enormous communities now coalesce online, connected only by common interest in unfolding online sagas. However, a disembodied quality now exists among digital communicators that denies the comfort and warmth of a handshake or hug.
Consequently, a frightening lack of accountability may be observed in our willingness to hurt others with words that we might never otherwise utter. Those responsible seem to have forgotten that the recipients of such vitriol are indeed human beings capable of feeling hurt. But the fundamental motivations behind communication have not changed at all. In essence, we still seek connection, prestige, and distraction in the lives of other people.
The Islamic Viewpoint On Tongue Control
The Islamic approach to a controllable tongue is a very precise one. Muslims are greatly warned about spreading slander or gossip about one another within the Holy Book of Islam. “One verse from the Holy Book even described backbiting as like eating the flesh of their dead brother,” which is a very strong and gruesome analogy to explain the importance of not speaking ill of other Muslims. Prophet Muhammad is reported to have told his followers to either speak a kind word or to remain silent; thus highlighting the fact that Islam considers each individual person and their privacy highly.
Scholars split speech into useful news and useless talk which is called ‘Gheebah’ (when referring to a speaker about a person absent, whose thoughts would not concur with what is said of them), this includes the discussion of another person in their absence whether the information passed on is true or false; if false then it becomes libel, with an additional greater sin, or true, if it is said for no reason, it remains Gheebah. The approach Islam suggests is to always concentrate on yourself instead of interfering in anyone else’s privacy.
The Distinction Between The Helpful And The Harmful
It is crucial to understand that social talk consists of two elements. Positive talk is about the sharing of joys: marriages, job promotions, and personal accomplishments of great magnitude. Through the transmission of joyful tales and reports, others are motivated, and joy is intensified. In contrast, malicious gossip endeavors to damage the reputation of a given individual; the act of spreading these dark tales is instigated by jealousy and anger, and it creates disunion and profound hatred.
Therefore, we need to discern the helpful from the brutal. The prudent person receives news with keen observation and careful attention. He/she will break malicious stories by refusing to transmit the news to another person; in so doing, this destructive chain of whispers will stop at the feet of the sensible. Socializing is pleasurable without having to destroy lives.
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Practical Steps For Healthier Daily Conversations
Simply ask yourself if what you are saying is true, kind, and if you really need to say it. If what you’re saying does not fit those three points, simply let it go! If the conversation goes into a cruel, mean exchange, find a better topic of conversation. Try to guide friends into talking about things like activities they enjoy or things they’re planning to do, instead of focusing on negativity.
If people in the conversation begin gossiping and talking negatively about people who are not present, speak up for those absent friends! If you take a stand for friends and defend them against gossip, others may begin to follow suit! In time, your conversations and social environment will become much cleaner and more enjoyable as others see you practicing this kinder way to communicate. Build better communities by talking with real love and real respect in all your conversations. Your words hold incredible power to heal or to wound; use that power to make things better rather than worse. Ultimately, clean speaking makes a cleaner world for everyone.
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