Gaining emotional growth is going to require that you avoid some potential mental pitfalls. First, I am going to go through these traps. Then, we are going to have an opportunity to figure out how to move forward. Lastly, I have another tie to some real data and case studies. Let’s get started.
Read more: Decode Your Mind: 10 Subconscious Signals
The Comparison Trap
Many people compare themselves to others nearly every day. This can lead to people feeling small or defeated, but we have to use self-wee and not other-why much of that term before. As a result, you should only compare yourself to your previous self, not to others. Use journals to keep track of how you are improving. For example, write down when you felt anxious a week ago. Then you can notice if the fear has dropped by 30% today. More and more, you have changed the focus to you.
Black-and-White Thinking
You may think that something is all good or all bad. However, life is shades of grey, not black and white. You should try to view things that happen in your life as a shade of grey. Instead of using nothing and everything, question your rigid thinking by asking, “What else might this mean”. This question can open you up to a new perspective, and help keep your mind open. Thus, you can avoid extremes in your moods. This also means you will likely be able to manage your stress response and the overall state of emotional calmness.
Overgeneralization
Sometimes, after one mistake, we say, “I always screw up.” It is easy to see how this would be unhelpful. Try to stop before you say this and find evidence. How many times have you got it right? Maybe more than you think! In fact, you might see you got it right about 70% of the time. When you see that, you will then change your beliefs. Then, you will feel confident again.
Fortune Telling
You may imagine that bad things will happen even though you have no proof. Unfortunately, we allow those imaginings to create reality. Then you become anxious. Instead, pay attention to the times you imagine the worst. Then test it – this allows you to see if your thoughts cause real things to happen. Maybe your thoughts only happened 20% of the time. Then you can trust yourself again. Surely, you will start to react to facts, not fears.
Emotional Reasoning
At the same time, you may simply presume that your feelings reflect reality. If you feel guilty, then you may believe you acted wrong. Only emotions can fluctuate. So ask yourself, “What evidence supports this feeling?” This will help you from getting confused. Another tip is to name the feeling; that is sometimes enough to settle your mind.
Catastrophizing
You might zoom in on catastrophes in your mind. All of a sudden, one little bump feels gargantuan. And the exaggeration isn’t kind to your well-being. Instead, break concerns down into steps. Also, consider asking, “What could the worst-case scenario be?” You may find that the worst-case scenario is almost always manageable. Then you mentally breathe easier.
Should Statements
You may judge yourself using beliefs that include “should” or “must.” For example, “I should never have a bad day” or “I must always be happy.” Then you feel bad about basic human emotions. Instead, change “should” and “must” to “I could” or “I prefer”. This minor change decreases your self-judgment. Eventually, you love your average self!
How to Escape: Action Steps
- Daily reflection. Record one thought that contains “always,” “never,” or “should.”
- Challenge it. Ask yourself, “Is it always true?” and “Why must it be?”
- Reality check. Keep track of the occasions where your thought was untrue.
- Replace it. Use balanced statements: “Sometimes I am successful.”
- Celebrate accomplishments. Small accomplishments are important to building strength.
You can take back control of your mind. Indeed, in just a few minutes of reflection, you can alter your thought process. Furthermore, the repeated practice will facilitate new habits to take hold.
Case Study: Fear of Public Speaking
A team of psychology students evaluated 50 adults with a fear of public speaking. Before treatment, participants rated their fear on a scale of 1-100 at an average of 80/100. The therapists then described cognitive restructuring, with an emphasis on recognizing distorted thinking. After six sessions, participants rated their fear with an average of 45/100, which is a 44% reduction.
The cognitive component of the therapy was effective. The Beck Anxiety Inventory also indicated a study-wide reduction from an anxiety rating of 28 at pre-treatment to 17 after treatment. A t-test determined that p < .01, which indicated that this study represented a real change. Additionally, participants in this study reported that post-treatment performance confidence improved for 80% of the cohort. The case study demonstrates the emotional benefits of escaping from distorted thinking traps.
Why These Traps are Important
First, trapped thinking inhibits resilience. Second, mental patterns shape feelings. Third, emotional habits impact relationships. Therefore, liberating your mind impacts all aspects of your life. You become stronger, kinder, and calmer.
Ways to Stay Free
- Practice mindfulness. Stop, and notice your thoughts.
- Have a discussion with a coach, friend, or counselor.
- Read books such as Mind over Mood.
- Keep a “thought diary.”
- Give yourself a reward for noticing a distortion.
Every step allows you to revise your thoughts with more compassion. With time and awareness, you will be able to replace previously held traps with more healthful frames.
Final Thoughts
Emotional growth begins with the mind. Each time you step out of one of those traps, you’re one step closer to clarity and calmness. Case studies support the idea that reframing works. So the next time your mind goes barreling down the path of a trap, I suggest you stop. Challenge the thought, test it, and replace it. Small adjustments can lead to big changes over the long term.
You are entitled to be at peace, to be confident in who you are, and to think in balance. When you work to escape these traps, you provide yourself with this gift. I encourage you to start today – pick one of the traps, escape it, and work to grow emotionally.
Quote
“Now I know that one bad grade does not ruin my semester.”
That student’s statement is proof of how freeing the mind can be.
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