Understanding Anger
Anger is a strong emotion that everyone has. Everyone experiences anger from time to time. Anger is a normal part of being human. Anger sometimes arises quickly, and sometimes over time, it builds to a boiling point. It can feel powerful. However, anger itself is not always bad, it can only become a problem when it is controlling us.
To manage your anger, you first must understand it, then you can learn to manage it. Anger often masks other feelings, meaning there may be hurt, fear, or stress behind your anger. So when you experience anger, ask yourself what the anger is about. This question will help you regain control.
Read more: How Positive Thinking Heals the Mind
Controlling Anger is Important
Anger has the potential to impair your health. It can also impair your relationships. If you yell at your loved one or kick a wall, you often feel worse afterward. Or someone gets hurt or frightened. As you continue to suffer from anger, you may increasingly feel lonely in your anger. Anger can affect your body. It can raise your blood pressure. Anger can interrupt your sleep. Also, it can make your body feel fatigued and weak. So learning anger management skills is not only helpful, it is necessary.
Pause Before You Speak
Taking a breath is very helpful. When you become angry your breathing changes. It goes to fast and shallow breathing. That causes more stress in your body. But you can switch this fast. Just stop, take a deep breath in, and breathe out slowly. Do this several times. This sends a message to your brain that everything is okay. Your heart rate comes down. Your mind starts to clear. Now, you can think more clearly about your words and avoid saying something you will regret in the future.
Take a Break and Walk Away
In some instances, the best thing to do is walk away. That is not to avoid the problem. It is to give yourself time. You give yourself time to calm down. You can step back from the issue. Now you can think more clearly. Walking also releases tension. The movement affects your feelings. You can walk around your room or the house or go for a walk outside. Do something simple and active. This will assist your mind in relaxing.
Speak Softly, Not Loudly
When you speak in anger, you add volume. You yell or say things that may be rude. That usually does not help. Instead, use your voice with less volume. Speak slower. Speak using calm words.
People are more receptive to you when you speak calmly. They feel safer. They respond better. You feel much more in control. So, speak in ways that help calm the situation. That can be a difference maker.
Speak Simply about Big Feelings
Sometimes we feel that we cannot express feelings and only say “I’m angry!” but often there are feelings below that. Try and find what that is. Maybe you feel ignored. Perhaps you feel disrespected. Maybe fear.
Express to people the truth of your feelings. Apply “I feel” statements. Saying something like “I feel hurt when I feel ignored by you,” or “I feel fear when things suddenly change.” This helps you explain to others your feelings and it helps to release some of the anger more gently.
Reflect Before You Act
Anger prefers impulsive responses. However intelligent responses require thought and reflection. So, before you do anything with your anger, stop, and ask yourself the following questions, “Is this beneficial?” “Would this fix the problem or simply create a new one?”
Even a five-second space can help your decision-making process. It can mean the difference between losing important relationships or holding on to them. It can help you be at peace with your decisions. You don’t have to act immediately. You can always choose patience. That decision allows you to be empowered.
Find Your Healthy Anger Outlets
So we all know not letting anger out is damaging. It is like carrying fire in your chest. You must let it out, and let it out in the best way possible. You can journal, you can paint/draw, you can punch a pillow. Go ahead and scream into that pillow. There are other ways too, exercise, go for a run, do jumping jacks, talk to a yoga class, or dance, but move your body. All of these options allow anger to leave your body safely, and you will feel a lighter mind afterward.
Use Humor, But Don’t Ridicule
Laughter can heal many things. It can cool the flames of your anger. Sometimes your rage grows out of serious thinking. Try to find something humorous about it. Try to smile at yourself. But never laugh at someone else. That could hurt them more. Use humor to relax. Watch a funny YouTube video. Talk to an upbeat friend. Make a funny face in the mirror. Sometimes all you need is to be silly to break the tension. Then you can see the issue.
Take Care of Your Body
A tired body feels anger quicker. A hungry person is more irritable. Lack of sleep contributes to mood swings. Take care of your body every day. Eat healthy foods. Drink enough water. Go to bed at the same time every night. Rest when you’re tired. These habits keep your brain and heart healthy. When your body feels well, it is easier to manage your emotions.
Recognize Your Triggers
Triggers exist that you know make you quickly angry. We all have triggers. Maybe it’s traffic. Perhaps it’s interruptions. Maybe it’s noise. You have to know your own. Write a list of your triggers. Look for the patterns. Then, you have to be prepared for those triggers. You can premeditate your responses. That gives you power.
Talk to Someone You Trust
You don’t have to deal with anger alone. Talking can sometimes be more helpful than anything else. Find someone who is a non-judging listener that you trust and share it. Share how you feel. Get it out with words. Your friends, family, or counselor can be helpful. They can share an outside perspective. They can add some new ideas. Also, they can remind you of your strengths.
Practice Forgiveness Often
Anger sometimes exists in the past. It stems from old relational pains. You carry old hurt for decades. It weighs you down emotionally. Forgiveness is kind of like cutting the rope. The rope does not disappear. The rope exists no more. You are now free. It does not mean you forget; it means you stopped carrying the hurt. You are choosing peace. Forgive your health. Forgive yourself too. People make mistakes. You deserve peace too.
Exercise Your Mind Consistently
The mind needs to practice. It can be trained as a muscle is trained. Pick a time during the day when you exercise your mind to be calm. Think of breathing, prayers, or quiet time. You can even meditate if that is what you enjoy doing.
Once you have time you can focus on, and take a moment to imagine a peaceful place. Tell yourself that you are kind. Make sure to read words that are calming. Eventually, your mind will learn to be calm. This will help you to manage your anger.
Be Grateful Each Day
Gratitude can counteract anger. When you feel gratitude you can not help but be angry, well, less upset. So make it your goal to write down three things you like every day. Maybe it is a beautiful sunny day, or that you have a friend, or that you get to drink tea in the morning.
You will begin to think differently. You will stop seeing problems, but rather see blessings. Gratitude brings peace.
In Conclusion
While you will not be able to stop anger from arising, it is up to you to manage the response. You have the option to be calm. You get to protect your calmness. Anger may feel powerful, but you are more powerful. You can do it with simple steps. You can breathe or you can walk away. Or, you can talk softly. Also, you can find peace in small increments.
Anger does not have to control your life. So, you can change. You have the tools to grow. You can start today. Your calm, happy self is waiting.
