10 Things Emotionally Smart People Avoid

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) involves understanding ourselves and recognizing the emotions of others. People with high EQ recognize that they do not just react – they think, they stay calm, and they choose how to respond to challenging moments. What you might not know is that emotionally intelligent people also avoid certain things.

Emotionally intelligent people tend to think before they react by pausing before they speak or act, particularly in tense moments. Rather than yelling, blaming, and/or being critical of themselves (or others), they act with calm and compassion. As noted by psychologists, this pause is an important factor in regulating emotions, and gives the brain a moment to thoughtfully respond. Emotionally smart people fit well in this category.

In all situations, emotionally smart people’s instinct is not to hold a grudge, but to forgive and let go of the anger. They recognize that anger is not helping the other person, but it is most damaging to themselves. Instead of gossiping or judging a situation, an emotionally smart person remains focused on kindness and potential personal growth for all the participants in the situation. This leads to all the parties building healthy relationships and feeling peaceful about their lives.

Read more: 10 Habits Quietly Changing Your Inner Self

Here are 10 unexpected things emotionally intelligent people never do, and why avoiding these things makes life better.

1. They Never Blame Others
   In a study by the Journal of Organizational Behavior, teams led by emotionally intelligent managers experienced 31% fewer conflicts because they took accountability instead of blaming others.
   Psychological Insight:
   Blaming others is a defense mechanism that can protect our ego but can obstruct self-growth. EQ encourages people to confront and acknowledge their mistakes without shame.
2. They never let their feelings out in public.
   They feel all kinds of overwhelming emotions, including anger, sadness, and despair. But they do not shout, slam doors, or throw tantrums in public.

Psychological Insight:

Impulse control is an important component of emotional intelligence and is related to better mental health and closer connections with others.

3. They Never Dismiss Other People’s Feelings
   They always acknowledge other people’s problems.

Case Study:

In a Lahore classroom, a teacher saw a child crying in the corner on her first day at school. Instead of telling the child to “Get over it”, she asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”, and the child said, “Yes”. That one question began to build trust. The child came to the teacher with a disclosure of bullying. The teacher was able to empathize with the child, and she helped to resolve the situation, which contributed to the child’s improved behavior and positive changes in the classroom.

4. They Never Hold a Grudge Forever
   They may feel hurt, but they won’t hang onto it for years later. Forgiveness doesn’t always equal forget. Forgiveness means letting go so you can heal.

Psychology Insight:

Holding onto anger will increase stress without you even realizing it. By having high EQ, a person forgives (not for the other person) but for themselves.

Stat Fact:
According to a Mayo Clinic study, if a person develops a practice of forgiving others, it will lower their blood pressure and decrease their depression.

5. They Never Avoid Difficult Conversations
   They will have difficult conversations, whether it is providing feedback, breaking up a toxic friend, or standing up for themselves. People who have high EQ do not escape. They address difficult conversations calmly and use clear communication.

Psychology Insight:

Avoidance will give you temporary peace, but will ultimately be mentally exhausting, leading to anxiety. Higher EQ gives people the courage to address uncomfortable conversations.

6. They Never Falsely Claim to Know Everything
   No conflict in saying, “I don’t know” or “I need assistance.” They learn. They develop.

Stat Fact:
LinkedIn conducted a study and found that 90% of high performers ask more questions and are open to what they don’t know. Curiosity is proof of EQ.

7. They Never Fly on Autopilot
   They do not ignore burnout. Also, they choose rest, breaks, and honoring their peace.

Case Study:

A nurse in Karachi was burned out due to stress, impacting patients. She started journaling and started taking walks for 15 minutes per day. After a month, her mood/energy improved. Her performance reviews improved.

Psych Insight:
Self-awareness and self-care go hand in hand. EQ is being aware of being overwhelmed and doing something about it.

8. Never Gossip or Talk Ill of Others
   They do not spread negativity or secrets. They care about being honest and trustworthy.

Statistic:
A workplace study found that teams with low gossip had 40% greater productivity and 25% reduced staff turnover. Emotional intelligence helps promote safe spaces.

9. Never Let Rejection Define You
   And whether it’s a lost relationship, job loss, or failure to launch a plan, emotionally intelligent people hurt, but do not let the hurt affect their self-worth.
   Psychological Insight:
   They recognize failure is a step, not a stop. Also, they learn from their mistakes, heal, and then let go of the bitterness as they move ahead.
10. They Don’t Try to Win Every Argument
    They recognize that being “right” isn’t as important as being kind, fair, or direct. Sometimes, they prioritize peace over pride.

Stat Fact:
A University of California study found that couples who score high on EQ argue 15% less, and when they do argue, they resolve things 20% faster than couples with lower levels of EQ.

Statistical Analysis (In Layman’s Terms)

1. Emotional intelligence isn’t just fluff—it’s supported by data:
   2.90% of the highest performers at work have a high EQ (TalentSmart).
2. On average, people with a high EQ earn an additional $29,000 a year.
3. In the schools that implement emotional intelligence curriculum, bullying decreases by 30% or more.
4. These statistics demonstrate that EQ makes a difference not only with feelings, but with school, work, money, and peace.

EQ covers five areas:

1. Self-awareness: Knowing your feelings.
2. Self-regulation: Regulating feelings, but not acting on them.
3. Motivation: Keeping your drive even when lacking momentum.
4. Empathy: Understanding other people’s feelings.
5. Social skills: Managing relationships effortlessly.

In Closing: Why This Matters for You

You do NOT have to be ideal. You do NOT have to suppress your emotions. But growing emotional intelligence is like learning how to drive your emotions, so that your feelings don’t embarrass you on the road of life.

1. Take time to remember to:
2. Be gentle with yourself.
3. Work to center and allow time before responding.
4. Focus on listening.
5. Practice forgiving.
6. Let go of the need to win every argument.

It’s OK to have feelings. But what is important is what you do with those feelings. And emotionally intelligent people?
Simply put, they do a lot more by doing less of the wrong things.