Have you ever made a decision and then thought to yourself, “Why did I make that choice?”
Our childhood influences our thinking. It tells us how to feel, react, and make choices. Even now, your younger self may be quietly steering your decisions without you knowing.
Overthinking & Indecision
If decisions were made for you as a child (e.g., what to eat, wear, or study), you might now second-guess trivial choices or freeze up when selecting even the simplest thing.
Seeking Approval / People-Keeping
Growing up with conditional approval involves experiencing someone’s response to you based on some aspect of your behavior or ability. So, you likely develop a need for outside approval as an adult – you base your self-worth upon the approval from others.
Read more: Psychology of the Dark Empath Uncovered
moreover
Perfection and fear of failure
Growing up with a fear of failure or the number of times someone criticized you or held you to a standard of never making a mistake likely resulted in you developing an adult habit of needing everything to be “just right!.
Low Self-Esteem & Learned Helplessness
If your caregivers made you feel inadequate, you probably currently feel degraded and assume that you can’t manage issues, even when you absolutely can!
Hyper-Responsibility & Over-control
Children who took charge of home dynamics or were forced to control situations often grew into hyper-controlling adults, and micromanage the world around them.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Also, you might bottle up your feelings if you were silenced or criticized in childhood.
Anxiety & Resistant Change
Often, people become anxious around change after being continually scrutinized or unpredictably responded to by parents or caregivers. The result is that you may hold on to the routine, worry, try to avoid risk, and prepare for the worst when the situation is calm. The Reason: Brain Wiring
The experiences in childhood shape neural pathways, especially between the ages of 0-7 °, so some early lived experiences shape an adult’s behavior and decision-making, San Antonio Express-News.
Area – what to do:
Making Decisions – Start small, like dinner; If practiced, you will build confidence.
Perfectionism – Treat mistakes as learning attempts and let go of self-criticism on minor perceived imperfections.
Self-esteem – Notice when you are seeking others’ approval or recognition, and then ask yourself, Who am I without their approval?
Emotional Expression – Write in your journal your thoughts, and use “I feel” statements, or use a trusted friend in a safe place.
PSYCHOLOGICAL STATISTICS
Brain Development in Early Childhood
The first 7 years of life create neural pathways through “synaptic pruning”, thereby influencing how you will think, feel, and act even today. This is like the early creation of the highways of your brain.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
About 64% of adults report experiencing at least 1 ACE (like abuse or neglect), and 12.5% reported experiencing four or more. These experiences can lead to anxiety.
Conscientiousness & Risk-Taking
Children who have low self-discipline are way more likely to engage in and accept dangerous risks, even dying sooner. Make way for conscientious kids – one study estimated that conscientious kids have a 30% lower risk of an early death.
Some more stats
Early Socioeconomic Status (SES)
The effects of being raised in poverty extend to people making financial decisions into older adulthood. Low SES adults operate with higher levels of “temporal discounting” (measuring decision making). Temporal discounting translates into a preference for a smaller reward sooner rather than delaying and receiving a larger reward, especially adults who experienced financial difficulties in the pandemic.
Childhood Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
A 52-year longitudinal study in New Zealand (1,000 kids) found that children who turned out to have more emotional intelligence (like self-control, and admitting to mistakes) became financially stable as adults. In comparison, the children with less emotional intelligence more frequently had low incomes, no savings, and were reliant on welfare.
Parent Affection impacts personality
In a study of twins from Great Britain, who tracked their children from birth until 18, they discovered that the quality of parental affection shaped the person and, personality type they would become.
Peer Pressure & Early Social Skills
Children who are in kindergarten and have good social skills like cooperation and empathy are more likely to graduate from college and keep and work a job. Those without those skills were more likely to be arrested or binge drink. The influence of peer pressure in adolescence also increases risk-taking behavior, especially with popular kids.
Three Simple Equations
Temporal Discounting (choosing now vs later): Children from low-SES childhood tend to often choose the smaller reward now:
Preference for immediate reward
↑ If childhood SES ↓
Preference for immediate reward
↑ If childhood SES ↓
Brain Risk Equation:
Mortality Risk
=Low Childhood Conscientiousness ×Risk-seeking
Mortality Risk=Low Childhood Conscientiousness×Risk-seeking
(Low self-control → more risk → higher mortality risk)
Behavior Function (Levin’s B = f (P, E)):
Though I am pulling this experience from other research, not specifically related to children, it is good to remember:
B=f(P,E)
Behavior is always determined by both the Person (the characteristics of the child) and the Environment.
Why is this Important
Infancy sets up your brain and emotional habits.
- Trauma or poverty during childhood will affect mental health, but can also affect financial decision-making decades after the initial trauma or poverty.
- A child’s emotional regulation (EQ) and their ability to self-discipline are important predictors of how a person will be successful or struggle down the road.
- Parental warmth and social skills have a long-lasting impact on a child’s positive personality traits and life path.
Conclusion
So, the neural circuits built in the years (before age 7) set the stage for years of choices unless you choose to rewire your choices on it.
And that’s the good news! Now that you know this, you have power.
You are not trapped. Hence, Every time you stop asking, “Why am I picking this?” you are reflecting on your story. As Tony Robbins said best:
“Your past is not equal to your future.
“There is a boy hidden in every grown man who wants to play.” —Friedrich Nietzsche.
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.
