We tend to believe that individuals with the capacity for emotions are empathetic and loving. We believe that if a person can empathize with our feelings, whether they’re pain or happiness, they’re likely to be a good human being. But, what if a person exercises this capacity in the negative sense? What if they empathize with your feelings not to help you but to manipulate you?
Read more: How Narcissists Turn Your Strengths into Doubt
What is a Dark Empath?
A dark empath is someone who possesses emotional intelligence; they know how to read feelings, understand humans, and empathize with other people’s thought processes, but employs this ability for self-serving or destructive motives.
They don’t hurt or hit you directly. Also, they toy with your emotions, make you question yourself, and gradually become stronger than you. That is what makes them so toxic.
What Makes Them Different?
There are numerous kinds of people with dark characteristics, such as narcissists (who love themselves too much), or psychopaths (who don’t feel guilt). These individuals generally lack empathy. They don’t care how other people feel.
Dark empaths, however, care only to use it as a means. They understand what hurts you. They understand what makes you happy. And they employ this to manipulate them into doing what they desire.
They might be witty, humorous, and even useful sometimes. But beneath the charm lies a mind that’s constantly doing the math: How can I use this individual? Or how can I get this one to do what I want?
Signs of a Dark Empath
It may be difficult to detect a dark empath since they don’t appear evil or rude. However, if you pay attention closely, you might catch some hints:
- They often guilt-trip you; this is their guilty pleasure. They love making you feel bad.
- They play the victim
Even when they are the wrongdoer, they reverse the situation to try and appear innocent. They will make you feel guilty. - They give the silent treatment
Rather than resolve issues, they refuse to talk to you as a way of punishing you emotionally. This makes you anxious or feel guilty. - They seem helpful, but want control
They only do you favours to remind you of them later. - Some love attention
They are not as humble as they seem. - They are very charming
People around them often like them. They know how to behave in public and impress others. But behind closed doors, they can be cold or mean. - Also, they twist your words
You may say something simple, but they turn it into something negative just to start a fight or confuse you.
How Do They Weaponize Emotional Intelligence?
- They see how you react. And, they know what makes you happy, sad, mad, or even bullied.
- They speak in ways you feel you can trust them with. They have no real kindness; it’s a setup.
- Also,they can make you feel guilty, scared, and irrelevant. All outcomes will keep you in their power.
They wear a mask: In the outside world, they are perfect. Behind closed doors, you see their true face.
They will make you question yourself: They will say things to you like “you are too sensitive”, or “you’re imagining this”. Over time, you will start to think you’re the problem.
This is emotional abuse. It’s just hard to identify, because it is so subtle and bizarre.
Where Do You Find Dark Empaths?
They tend to target kind, empathetic individuals as their victims. These individuals are so easy to control or guilt-trip because they care too much.
Initially, you may think that this individual knows you. You might say to yourself, Wow, they understand mebut as time goes on, their words become painful. Their support is insincere. And you might feel stuck.
Why Do Individuals Engage in This Behavior?
Dark empathy is often motivated by a pathological desire to:
- Control or dominate others.
- Enjoy watching others feel powerless.
- Obtain validation by manipulating others because they feel inadequate on their own.
- Avoid being left behind by manipulating others into staying with them.
- Or they simply don’t feel guilt like the rest of us.
Not all dark empaths are bad people. Some may hurt others simply because they haven’t been able to reflect on how this harms others. But regardless, it’s still harm.
How Do You Protect Yourself?
If you suspect a person in your life is a dark empath, try these steps:
- Trust your gut. If you continually find you feel confused, guilty, or drained with emotional energy for some time after a conversation, that is a sign.
- Create boundaries. Get into the habit of saying no. Nobody has the right to use your time, energy, and feelings to make themselves feel better.
- Don’t overshare. Guard your privacy. They may weaponize what you’ve told them against you.
- Talk to somebody. Find someone supportive (friend, counselor, supportive group, etc.). Talking about your feelings often makes things clearer.
- Create distance. You don’t have to be around people who hurt you, even if they are nice to you.
- Pay attention to actions instead of words. Don’t get fooled by flattery. Observe who they are when they’re not speaking to you.
Last Thoughts
Emotional intelligence is a strong blessing. It assists us in creating love, care, and trust. But when someone employs it for controlling or hurting becomes harmful.
Dark empathy power seems nice, but their deeds are louder. They don’t raise people, they bring them down secretly.
It’s alright to care. But it’s also alright to protect your heart. Don’t be afraid to leave people who play games with your feelings behind.
Always keep in mind: Real empathy heals. Fake empathy hurts.
