It’s completely normal to mess up. Everybody does. We all make bad decisions, take missteps, and say the wrong thing. No, the greatest concern comes when we’re patterns and continue making the same mistakes.
We Know It’s Wrong, But We Do It Anyway
Some people know they’re making a poor decision. But, they keep repeating their actions. For example, someone keeps sending texts to a person that continually injures them. Or, another person is using money they need to pay their rent. These people know better but they still engage in their practices.
This happens, often, because the mind lights up with familiarity. So it will automatically choose the familiar painful bind that feels safe, rather than knowing the peace of not being where they are. It’s difficult for us to break down past the habit. The natural pathway for thought is to take the easy road (even if it creates problems).
Read more: Lying Explained Through Human Psychology
Fear Is A Powerful Factor
Fear has a lot of control over some of our actions. Some fear change. Others fear success. Yes, success can be a dangerous space, because it evokes pressure, responsibility, and an increased probability of failing. However, for upliftment’s sake, it is far better to face the potential for success, than it is to remain in the hole of making the same decisions.
Fear feeds lies. We are not ready. We are not good enough. As a result of these fear-absorbing lies, we begin to regress instead of progress. We choose what is safe, even if it harms us.
Habits Are Difficult to Change
Our brains enjoy patterns. If we do something reasonably often enough, the brain will adapt and treat it (eventually) as a habit. A habit is when we do something without thinking of it. This is useful for things like brushing our teeth or driving a car. But it is damaging when the habit is self-sabotage.
Comfort Zones are a Trap
Humans love comfort. There is safety in doing something we know (even if it is not good for us). Even being in a bad situation, is sometimes better than the unknown. It is called the comfort zone. While it feels nice, it can sometimes create a roadblock on the route to growth.
It is courageous to take any risk, even a small one. This is also why it is fair to say many people stay in their comfort zones. Everyone will agree they like the “path of least resistance” – so why would they set off down a quiet rocky road?
Negative Thoughts Beget Negative Actions
Lots of people have negative, even sabotaging, thoughts about themselves a lot of the time. Often they feel dumb or worthless; when good things finally happen, they ruin them. Some of the above is just self-sabotage. In a few rare cases, this could mean they have harmed themselves, purposes or otherwise, without quite knowing that they (actually) have harmed themselves.
Psychology Behind Repeating Mistakes
Experts in psychology argue that repeating mistakes isn’t about behavior, it’s about the mind. Emotions, fears, and beliefs accumulate in the brain and affect behaviors. Past trauma can take the form of fears and the brain takes measures to somehow protect us, yet in the end, it only repeats the same old story.
There are also people who were raised with being told they weren’t good enough. These statements become entrenched in their core belief system. Eventually, that belief informs their actions. So, it appears as if people communicate that they want to fail, but in fact, they expect to fail.
Childhood Beliefs
Many, if not all habits begin as children. A child may experience the notion that love equals pain; in that case, they are conditioned to experience their relationship with adults as one of pain and they might be forced to continue in relationships that have the same elements of pain. Additionally, a child experiences failure as being part of trying or practice; so then, as an adult that child may decide that failure is part of making an attempt to do anything.
We’ve said that the past only lives in our minds. Then again the past frames the way we act, whether we receive love, and how we make our decisions. Unlearning those lessons from childhood is possible but will take time. However, we must first be aware of the lessons from childhood.
The Guilt Loop
Mistakes hurt and hurt brings guilt. Guilt is heavy. Heavy carries sadness or anger. People may want to relieve the pain of guilt, so they attempt to do something stupid or risky again, which brings the guilt back. The guilt loop is painful.
To get out of the guilt loop takes self-kindness. We have to forgive.
How to Stop the Cycle
We need to be aware of our patterns. What do we keep doing? What triggers us? Journalling can be helpful. Speaking with someone we trust can be helpful too.
Next, we are choosing to try different things. Even small changes count. Instead of texting a toxic friend, we pause. Instead of quitting, we ask for support. The little things help initiate growth.
Psychology: The Importance of Self-Awareness
Psychology tells us that self-awareness is valuable. When we know our thoughts, we can control them. Knowing our patterns allows us to stop our patterns. Self-awareness is power over our past pain.
Those who practice self-awareness improve faster. They make repeated mistakes less frequently and their minds become stronger and stronger. They act out of awareness not a habit.
Speak with an Expert
It is “okay” to need help at times. Talking to a psychotherapist or counselor can be a big step. They will help you find what you may not be able to see. They help to gently guide you in making better decisions.
There is no shame in asking for help. A person strong enough to choose to be vulnerable knows it may be smart to share it with someone. It does help when other people take part in your healing.
Make it a reality of positive self-talk.
We all can learn to be kinder to ourselves. Words matter. If I tell myself, “I am a failure,” I will be a failure. If I tell myself, “I can try again,” I will be inclined to try and do better.
Transform the negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Instead of saying, “I am stupid,” with a “I am learning.” Instead of, “This is all I have,” say, “I deserve better than this.” Because those words matter in providing direction for us to behave, and our behavior matters in giving direction to our life.
Final Thoughts
Making the same mistakes again and again does not mean we are weak. It means we are human. But we can grow. We can change our patterns. We can create better habits and new ways of thinking.
Psychology helps us understand why. Action helps us change the how. We have to believe in ourselves, and we have to keep going.
You are not your past. You are your next decision. Make it count.
