In this blog, we will identify 9 common ways people hide emotional pain without realizing it, and bring real-life examples, psychological explanations, and easy vocabulary to help you. So, let’s get started.
Read more: 12 Daily Behaviors that Show Insecurities
Host Masked Laughter
“I would rather make you laugh than see my tears.”
-Anonymous teen, 17
An acquaintance who uses humor to the point that they have everyone laughing may look like the happiest person in the room while just hiding their unhappy feelings behind that mask. Psychologists have termed putting on a smile while feeling sad “smiling depression,” which is used as a defense mechanism to protect the person from the sadness they are feeling.
Case Study:
Ravi was 16 years old at the time and was the class clown, but felt dead at home. He felt like he was being left behind. He thought he had no love. What properly presented itself was not worth it, and in that way, that is how he presented himself in everything he did. In his mind, when it came to allowing people to be real and see him sad, he was fearful that they would deem him weak or unworthy.
He used comedy to deal with his sadness, and while comedy can be a good coping mechanism, it can, in some cases, inflate reality and encourage emotional pain to be worthy. You learn a lot about yourself and friends.
Leaving yourself “Too Busy”
When people fill their schedules with school, sports, clubs, and social stuff, they might not just be ambitious. They might be avoiding the mental space to be with their thoughts.
Fact:
The American Psychological Association (APA) states that ‘busyness’ is a popular distraction technique to avoid dealing with emotional damage.
Reality:
If you or anyone you know is always saying “I’m too busy,” more likely than not, they are exhausted. Maybe it’s time to slow down and reflect?
Too accommodating: a “people-pleaser.”
Are you the type of person who always says “yes” no matter what? Do you indefinitely put others ahead of you?
If the answer is “yes”, it could mean you are working for your self-worth, or, in your heart, you genuinely feel unworthy of love, or the idea of abandonment scares you.
Quote:
“Sometimes we try to please everyone so much we forget to love ourselves.” – Unknown.
Example:
Sara, 15, was always helping someone in class, a kid who was one of those mean ones. I asked Sara why she was doing that gesture. She said, “If they like me, maybe I will feel better about myself.”
Withdrawing
People can withdraw when self-isolating from social events—not because they have a problem with everyone, but simply because they’re struggling.
If you notice that a friendly person is withdrawing from you and your group, they could be struggling.
Fact:
Isolation is a clear cause, but can also be the apparent symptom of depression, according to the Mental Health Foundation in the UK. Isolated teens do not realize that they are isolating.
Perfectionism
Being “perfect” at everything is really born out of fear, fear of not being good enough, failure, rejection, etc.
Analysis:
Perfectionism is like wearing armor. If I look good on the outside, maybe no one will notice what’s happening on the inside.
Teen Viewpoint:
“I thought if I got straight A’s, maybe I would feel happy, but instead I just felt more pressure.” —Jaya, 16
Get angry very easily or overdo it.
Where pain, not physical pain, often presents itself as anger instead of sadness.
If you see that someone is snapping at little things or irritated at nothing, they might be shielding some deeper pain.
Psychologically speaking:
Anger often perceives as a secondary emotion because it can temporarily cover up several more vulnerable emotions of the heart (like sadness, fear, or shame).
Don’t Overuse Social Media
That possibly problematic post of someone’s happiness and selfishness, the motivation quote, and an edited story could be more problematic than innocent.
Fact: A study from Pew Research Center this year revealed that 45% of teens reported some feeling of needing to show they looked “perfect,” while saying in real life they were struggling.
Epiphany: It’s great to share the great things happening in our lives, but if you are seeing one person continue to share those highlights, it is likely they are sharing those moments to avoid the fact that things aren’t okay.
Self-Deprecating Comments
“I didn’t understand that.” “Well, of course I flunked that test. What’d you expect?”
Sometimes these are jokes, but most of the time, these are how the people feel authentically about themselves.
Case in Point:
Arjun is 14 and has spent half his life social media messaging while poking fun at himself, and his friends would laugh, thinking he was just being funny. But one day, a teacher talked with him privately. He said, “I mean, I feel like I am useless”.
Always Saying “I’m Fine”
This can be the largest red flag. If someone always says, “I’m fine,” or “it’s nothing,” time and time again, only when upset, they aren’t fine at all.
Fun Fact:
A global study found that 70% of people will lie about how they feel at least once a week. That’s how regularly people disguise how they feel emotionally.
Conclusion:
Emotional pain is like an iceberg- most of it submerges. We all know individuals who, despite emotional pain, behave as if nothing is wrong and laugh like it never happened. But if you look hard enough, you will start to see it. The good news is that you are not alone. And there is no reason to hide.
Emotional pain is like an iceberg; the vast majority is underneath the water’s surface. Most people (especially teenagers) are very good people who act like everything is okay. If you look a little closer, you will see signs.
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Ending Quote:
“You do not have to wear your pain as a badge. Maybe you can start healing when you stop dressing in a mask.” — Author Unknown.
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